Fear of Conflict: Why Couples Avoid Talking About Money and How to Overcome It
Couples facing financial stress often avoid talking, fearing it will lead to a fight.
When couples face financial stress, communication is key to finding a solution. However, a study from Cornell University reveals that this is often not the case. Research co-author Emily Garbinsky, an associate professor at Cornell, highlights that stress can lead people to avoid discussing financial issues with their partner, fearing it will only lead to conflict and further stress.
Perpetual vs. Solvable Issues
The success in addressing financial problems in a relationship comes down to how couples perceive their differences. According to Cornell's research, couples who believe their financial issues are perpetual are less likely to see a solution. They may feel that their fundamental differences in money management make it futile to even have a conversation. On the other hand, partners who view their issues as solvable and can reflect on past compromises are more open to discussing money matters.
Communication Challenges
Garbinsky notes that most couples default to perceiving their financial problems as perpetual, leading to avoidance of discussions about money. This avoidance can also lead to financial infidelity, where one partner hides financial information from the other, potentially to prevent conflict. Over time, this lack of communication, whether through avoidance or infidelity, can negatively impact the quality of the relationship.
Addressing Financial Conflict
Jude Boudreaux, a certified financial planner, suggests acknowledging the human aspect of financial conflicts in relationships. He emphasizes the importance of understanding each partner's money memories and how they shape their current attitudes toward money. By approaching financial decisions in a way that considers each partner's comfort and by asking questions that address their needs, such as feeling heard and gaining confidence, couples can begin to unravel financial conflicts.
Boudreaux also stresses the need for an optimistic approach, where each partner may need to make compromises in their financial attitudes to find a middle ground. This approach encourages understanding and flexibility in addressing financial stress within relationships.
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